Ms. Albright: All right, children. Now I don't want you to get frightened, but it's my responsibility to teach you this. Today's topic will be "hell."
Kids: Oh!
Bart: All right! I've sat through "mercy" and I've sat through "forgiveness." Finally, we get to the good stuff.
Ms. Albright: Oh, hell is a terrible place! Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket. There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented day and night forever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened you would die.
Bart: Oh, Ms. Albright?
Ms. Albright: Yes, Bart?
Bart: Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tube?
Ms. Albright: No. Yes, Bart?
Bart: Are there pirates in hell?
Ms. Albright: Yes. Thousands of them.
Bart: Ooh, baby!
Martin: So what you're saying is, there's a downside to the afterlife. How does one steer clear of this abode of the damned?
Ms. Albright: By obeying the Ten Commandments. Ten simple rules that are easy to live by.
-"Homer vs. The 8th Commandment," The Simpsons (Season 2)
That bit of dialogue was taken from an episode of The Simpsons that I had on DVD, but in actuality it could have occurred between two people at the church where the seminar is taking place. It's funny that the same church would probably go on and condemn The Simpsons for their take on morality, when it is so very similar to their own. The four sessions I attended this week each had a question at the beginning that they were seeking to answer.
Fri., Nov. 9: Why Do Innocent People Suffer?
Who is bringing all the evil, trouble and suffering upon mankind? The amazing truth in this presentation will forever make it clear.
Mon., Nov. 12: The Key to Peace and Security
In a world of locked doors, fear, and uncertainty, there can be peace. Find out the key tonight.
Fri., Nov. 16: God's Answer to Evolution
Sat., Nov. 17: The World’s Greatest Cover-up.
(I'm pretty sure these are all copyrighted. So, don't tell anyone, okay?)
Friday, November 9th
I chose to take the evening to observe the audience. To try and develop a feel for what percentage of the audience actually wanted to be there and who might be there because they felt obligated. I chose this night to take on this task since I'm rather familiar with the question on evil and the different theories behind why it exists. So, I knew I didn't have to be in 'argue mode' since I'm sure I've had the argument before. What I found was that I was the only one truly bored, or at least from the look of everyone I was. No one was staring up at the ceiling pretending in their mind that one of the fans broke loose and took a bunch of people's heads off. (That's something I used to do in church a lot. I'm not proud of it . . . or maybe I am?) Everyone was attentively flipping through his or her novelty green, enormous, NIV, pew Bible and taking notes as if there was a test coming up at the end of the term. (Which is odd since there's a quiz every night and we'd already taken that. How could we have two quizzes in one night?) I couldn't grasp why I was the only one with attention deficit disorder. My only conclusion could be either this stuff was really engaging (which it wasn't), or that there was some sort of obligation to God that being here and paying attention would fulfill. Basically I couldn’t conclude anything. By the way, their answer to evil: Satan.
Monday, November 12th
Ten Commandment night. Charlton Heston was neither present nor mentioned, but he would have been proud. The Ten Commandments were on prominent display and apparently the key to peace and security. It was this night that I think I found out one of the major differences between me and the folks in the audience. When Jesus says in John 14:15: “If you love me, obey my commandments,” there seems to be a difference in interpretation in the word ‘commandments.’ The take being taught in the seminar is ‘commandments’ is meant to be thought as the Ten Commandments. How I interpret it is ‘commandments’ refers to Jesus’ command to love God will all one’s being and love one’s neighbor as oneself. Thus, the idea of legalism; following the Ten Commandments verbatim or just simply loving people, which is what the Commandments were intended to promote.
(I should mention that the picture to the right is a frequent background picture used in the seminar for the verse John 14:15. It makes me laugh every time and it's used like 4 or 5 times a night. I'm suprised they still let me in the door.)
This is not to say love does not exist in the seminar. Quite the contrary.
This session was number seven for me. It is at this point in any of my endeavors that I get bored with what I’m doing, give up, and move on to something else. The sessions were beginning to feel routine; I was bored. So, to cure monotony and boredom, I sat on the other side of the room. I find the best way to break routine is to actually break the routine. Fancy that. I’m now sitting in a pew on the other side of the room with one other lady. The other lady had a companion that came a little later than I and wanted to sit next to her. So, I, being the long-legged freak that I am, got up to let her in and the obvious comment that comes from meeting me for the first time is let forth, “Mercy, you’re tall.” (This is not a direct quote from this particular incident, nor is a direct quote from any incident, but rather enhanced for comedic effect. Or hopeful comedic effect. Or just effect.)
I said, “Thanks, yes I am.”
She asked, “How tall are you?”
I said, “Between 6’4” and 6’5”.”
And she said, “Awe, that’s beautiful.”
Beautiful! That’s probably the best response to that conversation I’ve ever had, and I’ve had it a lot. Then she asked if I was in school and how often I’d been coming to the sessions and I told her no and that I’d been coming to the majority of them. Somehow the question of why I was coming came up but not in that direct sense and I answered, “I suppose I enjoy seeking out truth.”
To which she responded, “Awe, that’s beautiful.”
That’s two! I was really starting to enjoy this lady’s company. Then she asked what I did. I told her I was a data analyst. She asked what I studied in school and I said math. She said that her daughter was really good at math and she wished that she was as well. Doesn’t everyone? She asked if being a data analyst was what I wanted to do with my life. I said, “No. Actually I want to be a missionary.”
She responded, “Oh, that’s beautiful!”
Man, she was beautiful! I was very convinced that her reaction was not to the word ‘missionary’ being beautiful, but rather the idea that someone would devote their life to loving others in the name of God was beautiful; that the love of God was beautiful.
Friday, November 16th
God’s answer to evolution. It was also Dan’s birthday and he decided to join me for this session. So, are you ready? God’s answer to evolution? Aged fossil records? The flood? Monkeys are really people and we shouldn’t be doing tests on them ‘cause it’s just pissing them off and in turn they’ll enslave us and blow up our civilization to start their own? (What’s with the Charlton Heston references?) No. It’s Saturday. That’s right; Saturday. God rested on the seventh day of creation; we celebrate a Sabbath (granted it’s the wrong one); therefore, God created the earth as is in the Bible. That’s the argument. At this point, all the evolutionists stood up, applauded, said thank you, and left the room. If that’s the argument, then evolutionists have nothing to fear. It went even as far to say that if you go to church on Sunday, not the intended Sabbath in the Bible, that you were not acknowledging God as creator. Dan summed up the argument as follows: “Going to church on Sunday equals monkey lover.” The rest of the evening was spent discussing why we as Christians have a Sabbath. Needless to say, the night was disheartening. There was so much excitement for Jesus in past sessions. Remember the hooting and the hollering? There was just as much excitement about going to church on the right day as there was for Jesus being the savior of mankind. There was so much focus on determining what day to come to church. Why not focus on how to love your neighbor? This bout of legalism was frustrating. It was not beautiful in my eyes.
Saturday, November 17thTonight was going to unveil the world’s greatest cover-up. Well, in actuality it was unveiled the night before. You guessed it, why Christians celebrate the Sabbath on Sunday instead of Saturday. Legalism-alpolooza continued. The arguments here appear to be very sound as to why the Sabbath should be Saturday instead of Sunday. That’s not my problem. The problem lies in my interpretation of Matthew 5: 17-20:
(This picture was rather prominant that particular evening and also made me laugh. Again how I keep getting in is beyond me.)
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
It seems to me that Jesus is telling His audience that in order for you to fulfill the law, and keeping the Sabbath is included in that law, you’d have to keep all of it. But we cannot. Jesus says that He’s come to fulfill the law, and He did. Thus, through Christ the law has been fulfilled. So why does it matter what day the Sabbath is celebrated on? That law has been fulfilled. Christ then commands his followers to love God and love others; these are the greatest commandments. Not the selected ten that came down the mountain with Moses, who then proceeded to break them both physically and spiritually, but those of loving God and loving all other people.
Something I can respect about this group of people is that they know what they believe and why they believe it. They also have a desire to obey Jesus’ every command to the ‘t.’ I only hope that the beauty of God’s love can become so evident to them, that their desire to follow Him will look less like algorithmic motions and more doing what God says no matter how unnatural.
There are still more sessions to come and I will be in attendance at as many as I can. Feel free to join me if you so desire.
1 comment:
Beautiful! I hope I can make it some time.
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