I love and loath awkward situations. I like to do things that make me uncomfortable because I like to see how I react, but once I’ve made myself uncomfortable, I like a little comfort to get be back on the ground. However, it seems frequently when I do find myself in an uncomfortable situation, there is no way back to comfortable, but rather only one path towards more discomfort. Speaking in relative terms, let’s look at a finite example.
Today I was given the opportunity to participate in a church service for people living on the street. Not something I’m unfamiliar with considering I’ve done it at least 3 times in Vancouver; twice having to give the message for the service. However, these past visits to such churches have not been opportunities to develop relationships, but rather opportunities to serve. Now, during this service in The Hague, I’ve was given the opportunity to develop a relationship with a man from Poland who is looking for a job while living on the street.
The situation was funny. I was sitting at a table with 4 Polish men, none of which spoke much English. They spoke Polish (obviously), Russian, Czech, some German, some Dutch, but very little English; I only speak English. I was thinking to myself why God would have put me in this situation. There are so many more qualified people back on the ship to be in this situation. There are people who speak English and Russian, English and German, or English and Dutch, but He had to choose to use the one who only spoke English.
Then another Polish gentleman sat down at our table. He had spent some time in England, so his English was quite good and he and I got to talking. He’s really focused on getting a job, making some money, and getting back up on his feet. In one sense, I’m pulling for him. He seems like a nice guy who deserves a break. But in the other sense, I know that even if he gets this break, he won’t be satisfied. The pursuit of money is not the pursuit of happiness; it really only leads to more disappointment. Only something infallibly faithful can be ultimately satisfying. Money has no ability to be faithful or not, it’s an object. Ourselves and others, who handle this money, are completely fallible and therefore are unfaithful and ultimately disappointing. God, being holy, perfect, and alive is the only one who can fill this void. So unless he finds this truth, he’ll be disappointed. It’s a sad predicament.
But, as my statement about being uncomfortable said earlier, my discomfort in trying to strike up a meaningful conversation with this man was followed up by actually connecting with this guy, inviting him to the ship, him saying he’d like to come, and him inviting me to visit the shelter he hangs around for a cup of coffee. With God you can never just get a little uncomfortable, that just becomes your comfort level and He’s not interesting in see you comfortable; at least He’s not interested in seeing me comfortable. So, He’s pushes the envelope a little more.
I suppose I just need to trust that God could and actually might do something with this situation; if not in the gentleman’s life, my own. And that’s probably what I’m most frightened of, seeing something change in my own life. Something needing to change existing implies something in my life slipping out of my control which implies I don’t have control over my life which implies blah, blah, blah. Basically, there are always going to be things wrong in my life. It won’t be perfect under my control because I can’t see in all directions at all times. Something’s bound to blindside me. Therefore, I really have no control, and so something else has control or there’s no control at all. I believe the former, but not always. This situation could help me in coming closer to always. Pray for it.
